


Love, Soobin

by ArtThedevil



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Inspired by Love Simon, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soobin is a mess, Strangers to Lovers, Underage Drinking, mild homophobia, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtThedevil/pseuds/ArtThedevil
Summary: Those two little words bounce around in his head so loud its almost deafening. He rereads it a second time, and then a third, almost unbelievably. It’s a Haiku, just three simple lines, but the impact it leaves is intense and powerful, and Soobin almost feels attacked by it.Maybe it’s because this guy had the courage, the balls, to do what he only wishes he could. It’s so simple really, and yet it isn’t, because those two words are almost like a life sentence, the imprisonment that he knows he isn’t ready for that comes along with that admission. They haunt him even now, as he stares at the computer screen, eyes burning from the blue light.Just like this guy, Soobin has a secret, one that he’s never told anyone, not even his two best friends, the words he’s never been brave enough to say are right there for anyone to see.I’m gay.OR- the Love, Simon au nobody asked for but here it is
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	Love, Soobin

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all, I just randomly had this idea one day while watching Love, Simon for the fifth time. I really love the idea of a Love, Simon au, especially with Yeonbin, so I decided to go for it! If you haven’t watched it, I definitely recommend it, not only for the sake of the storyline but also because it’s a great move based on an even greater book. I plan to update as much as I can. I hope you enjoy and don’t be afraid to tell me what you think!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those two little words bounce around in his head so loud its almost deafening. He rereads it a second time, and then a third, almost unbelievably. It’s a Haiku, just three simple lines, but the impact it leaves is intense and powerful, and Soobin almost feels attacked by it. Maybe it’s because this guy had the courage, the balls, to do what he only wishes he could. It’s so simple really, and yet it isn’t, because those two words are almost like a life sentence, the imprisonment that he knows he isn’t ready for that comes along with that admission. They haunt him even now, as he stares at the computer screen, eyes burning from the blue light. Just like this guy, Soobin has a secret, one that he’s never told anyone, not even his two best friends, the words he’s never been brave enough to say are right there for anyone to see. I’m gay.
> 
> OR- the Love, Simon au nobody asked for but here it it

“Ugh, I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.” Taehyun whines, looking at the hot beverage in his hand like it had done him wrong on a personal level.  
Soobin rolls his eyes at his friend’s dramatic complaint. “Dude what are you even talking about, you ordered a hot chocolate.” He reminds with a chuckle, as Kai bursts out into a full-on laughing fit in between them. Taehyun shrugs, eyes trained on the computer screen in front of him. “What’s the difference? They’re both bad for you.” He admits with a grin.

  
“Everything is bad for you, you’re on the football team.” Kai interjects, trying to keep his obnoxious laughter down before they get thrown out of the library. Soobin sort of wishes they would, the school library smells weird, like stale milk and something else he can’t place, and he doesn’t want to be late for first period again. Not that history is the most exciting thing to him at seven-thirty in the morning.

“Yeah honestly, don’t you like only eat grass or something?” Soobin jokes, sending Kai into another giggle fit. It’s not his fault the guy found _everything_ funny, but it was certainly entertaining. The librarian shoots them a dirty look, urging them to be quiet with a finger to her lips. There isn’t even anyone else in the library besides them, except for another guy a few tables away who is passed out with his face pressed against the wood. “Hah, I wish.” Taehyun replies with a grimace. “Grass would probably taste better than the crap they want us to eat.”

  
“What kind of grass?” Kai asks with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. “You’re such a five-year-old!” Taehyun laughs as he shoves at the younger’s shoulder, knocking him into Soobin. “Hey, look at this,” Taehyun says suddenly changing his tone. “Have you guys seen this?” He gestures to the screen with wide eyes as they crowd in closer to get a look. “What is it?” Kai asks, leaning most of his weight on Taehyun’s shoulder. He shifts uncomfortably as he accommodates the extra weight. Soobin scoots over more, squinting over Kai’s shoulder.

  
“Some guy on the school arts blog pretty much just outed himself.” Taehyun explains, eyes scanning the words on the light blue background. “So?” Kai shrugs. “Why does it matter if he’s gay?”  
Soobin fidgets uncomfortably in his seat, going unnoticed by the other two as they read the rest of the blog post. “Who is it?” he asks finally, voice cracking awkwardly. “I don’t know, It’s a poem.” Taehyun scrolls to the end of the post. “It was posted anonymously, but It’s signed ‘Blue’ at the bottom.”  
Soobin’s eyes scan the words carefully, almost as if he thought he might miss something important.

_I take a deep breath_  
_The words heavy on my tongue_  
_Now they know I’m gay_

Those two little words bounce around in his head so loud its almost deafening. He rereads it a second time, and then a third, almost unbelievably. It’s a Haiku, just three simple lines, but the impact it leaves is intense and powerful, and Soobin almost feels attacked by it. Maybe it’s because this guy had the courage, the _balls,_ to do what he only wishes he could. It’s so simple really, and yet it isn’t, because those two words are almost like a life sentence, the imprisonment that he knows he isn’t ready for that comes along with that admission. They haunt him even now, as he stares at the computer screen, eyes burning from the blue light. Just like this guy, Soobin has a secret, one that he’s never told anyone, not even his two best friends, the words he’s never been brave enough to say are right there for anyone to see. _I’m gay._

“That’s kind of smart though.” Kai’s voice startles Soobin from his thoughts. “He technically came out, so he probably feels at least some relief, but he also used a pen name so nobody actually knows who he is. That’s pretty genius if you ask me.” Taehyun laughs, agreeing with Kai’s statement. Soobin barely reacts, eyes still flickering nervously between the screen and his friends, who have apparently begun talking about something else completely now. He can’t help the flutter of curiosity in his chest as he thinks about who this anonymous poet could be. He begins making a mental list of guys he knows that could possibly share his secret. None of them seem likely, and as the bell rings signaling the start of first period, Kai and Taehyun are already gathering their things to leave. 

  
“Hey, you coming Soobin?” Taehyun asks as he slings his bag over his shoulder. He always did that, and Soobin thinks he does it on purpose to look cool, because he does. “Yeah, I thought you hated being late for class.” Kai teases. 

  
Soobin doesn’t know why, but his brain seems to be on autopilot this morning, and his body moves on its own free will, because he hears himself speak before he realizes what he’s saying. “Uh, you guys go ahead, I just forgot I have to look up something for that class first, you don’t have to wait for me.” Kai and Taehyun look confused, but they don’t question him further, which Soobin is thankful for. He didn’t know what he’d say if they did.   
“Alright, we’ll see you at lunch later, right?” Taehyun inquires. “Yeah, of course.”  
The two leave as Soobin waves them off, and as soon as they’re out the door he rushes to unzip his bag and rifles anxiously through its contents until he finds a pen. Ripping a blank page from one of his notebooks, he looks around to make sure nobody is watching before hurriedly jotting down the anonymous writer’s e-mail address. Closing the web page, he crumples the paper up and stuffs it into his pocket before grabbing his stuff and exiting the library.

\------------------------

“What did that poor strawberry ever do to you?” Taehyun asks, watching as Kai stabs his fork into the berry for the fifth time. “It looked at me funny.” He responds, not looking up at him as he pulls the fork from where it was lodged in the center of his strawberry. Taehyun chuckles, rolling his eyes as he goes back to eating his own fruit salad. 

  
“Why do you hate strawberries so much?” Soobin asks from across the lunch table. “It’s not like you’re allergic or anything.” Kai shrugs, lacking a good enough reason. “I dunno, I just don’t like them.” Taehyun reaches over and sticks his fork into Kai’s abused strawberry, scooping it up and transporting it to the safety of his own salad. “Hey! My strawberry!” Kai cries dramatically, voice cracking with a squeak as he fails to hide his laughter. Soobin’s eyes are watering with how hard he’s laughing, and the three of them are making so much noise that other people at surrounding tables are giving them weird looks, not that they really care.

  
“Strawberries are the only berry that I don’t like.” Kai explains once he’s caught his breath. “I like blueberries better, that’s why I ask them to give me extra blueberries and hold the strawberries, but the lunch lady must have forgot today.” Soobin is about to say something when Taehyun speaks first. “Speaking of blueberries,” he lowers his voice. “Look at Yeonjun hyung, he’s dyed his hair blue!”

  
Taehyun points across the room where their fellow seniors Yeonjun and Beomgyu entered the cafeteria. Soobin’s stomach flips at the mention of the color, and he’s reminded of the poem they read earlier. _Blue_. The word echoes inside his head as Yeonjun makes eye contact with him, the two seniors noticing the three and making their way over. It’s not like Soobin hasn’t talked to them before, he has, mostly Beomgyu, considering he’s the head of the football team that Taehyun is also on. But Yeonjun has always made him nervous, for reasons that Soobin can’t exactly place. Now seemed to be no exception, if anything he was even more anxious, likely due to Yeonjun’s choice of hair dye.

  
“Hey Yeonjun hyung, your hair looks so cool!” Kai complements, wasting no time. Yeonjun smiles affectionately at the younger. “Thanks, I really like this color. I think I’ll keep it for a while.”  
Soobin doesn’t realize he’s been staring the entire time until Yeonjun is smirking at him instead. “Looks like Soobinie agrees, I don’t think he’s blinked since we got here.” He teases. Everyone’s attention shifts to Soobin, and he looks down at his food, ears reddening with embarrassment. “It looks great hyung.” Is all he offers in response, wishing he could just melt into the ground and away from everyone. He can still feel Yeonjun’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t dare look back up at him.

  
“So Taehyun,” Beomgyu starts, changing the subject, and Soobin has never been more grateful to him. “You’re coming to my party next weekend, right?”   
“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that.” Taehyun admits. “I guess I can go.” Beomgyu smiles, clapping his hands together in excitement. “You guys can come too if you want,” he turns to Soobin and Kai. “My house is pretty big, and it _is_ a party, so the more the merrier.”

  
“Sure, I’ll be there.” Kai responds. “Sounds like fun.” Beomgyu looks to Soobin, waiting for his response as well. Soobin nods in confirmation, not trusting his voice at the moment. It seems to be good enough for Beomgyu though. “Great! I’ll see you guys there then. We should get going if we want to get lunch before the period is over, I’ll see you at practice later Taehyun.” Beomgyu adds as he turns to leave, Yeonjun waving them all goodbye as he follows. Soobin can’t help but feel relieved that they’re leaving, but now he has to attend some house party that he isn’t even sure he wants to attend in the first place. 

\------------------------

Soobin’s fingers tap anxiously against his desk as he waits for his laptop to start up. This is a dumb idea. A _really_ dumb idea, and he probably shouldn’t do it. He’ll most likely regret it, his stupid brain must have been still a little foggy with sleepiness this morning when he thought to take down a random stranger’s e-mail address. He must be crazy. Anyone who would do that, with the intention of actually messaging them _must_ be. 

  
His laptop finishes loading, and he hesitates for a moment before opening his e-mail. Clicking ‘new e-mail’, Soobin stares at the blank white screen, unsure of what to say. _What did he intend to say to him exactly?_ He hadn’t thought that far ahead earlier. He wasn’t completely sure he’d actually been thinking at all honestly. It was just a spur of the moment thing that he did completely on a whim with no actual plan. Part of him just wanted to forget it, close the page, and pretend he never thought of it in the first place. The other part of him was screaming at him, insisting that he should go ahead with it, just to see what would happen. What if he actually responds? What if he could at least make a new friend out of this, one that understood what he’s going through? _What if?_

  
Without giving himself a chance to change his mind, Soobin begins typing.

  
Soobin stops, fingers hovering over the keys. There’s no way in hell he’s going to tell him his real name. He has no idea who this guy is, or even what his real name is, so it wouldn’t be wise to give him _his actual_ name. Maybe he should make up a pen name too? It makes sense, but Soobin doesn’t have the slightest idea what he’d make it. Maybe something cool like Blue’s? He doesn’t want to seem dumb or weird. 

  
leaning against the back of his padded chair, Soobin looks around his room for some source of inspiration. He eyes the figurine of batman on his bookshelf that his cousin had given him for Christmas a few years ago. Batman? That definitely fell under the category of weird. Bruce maybe? No, Blue would most likely think he was a foreign exchange student or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he might be less inclined to answer if he thinks he doesn’t speak Korean well.

  
With a sigh, Soobin runs a hand through his hair, looking out the window. It’s October, and the temperature is already dropping enough to make him never want to leave his warm house again. He already missed the summer and its warm sunlit afternoons. Soon enough, it’ll be even colder as winter moves in, and it’ll start to snow. Even though he disliked the cold, he loved snow, watching as it covered the entire town in a blanket of white was his favorite. _That’s it!_

  
Soobin sits back up and begins typing again, the perfect name suddenly hitting him.   


  
Soobin hits send before he can talk himself out of it, then sits there and stares at the screen, wondering if he should have just thrown the paper out and _not_ e-mailed him. _Oh well, too late now._ What’s the worst that could happen? Blue not answering him back? It’s not like he had anything to lose, considering he hasn’t given him any personal information. He’ll know just about as much as Soobin knows about him, which is basically nothing. He has to force himself to close his laptop and forget about it until he gets (or doesn’t get) a response.

  
His phone dings with a notification, and his heart leaps damn near out of his chest, wondering if it could be a response notification already. Checking his phone, Soobin lets go of the breath he didn’t know he was even holding when he sees that it’s just a text from Kai. 

  


Soobin can’t help but laugh at his best friend. Kai is always falling asleep during classes, most likely due to the fact that he stays up until ungodly hours of the night playing Overwatch. He unlocks his phone, typing out a quick reply.

  


Right. He’d almost forgotten about the stupid party. Hopefully they wouldn’t stay too long. Soobin hated driving, and Taehyun almost always got wasted at these things, so Kai usually brought them home. The younger gets bored super easy, so they likely wouldn’t be there more than a couple hours, not that he’s complaining. And if Blue never gets back to him, it would take his mind off it, at least for a little while. Until then, all he can do is wait.

\--------------------------------

Soobin hated the rain, he really did. So much that when his alarm went off at six a.m., he continued to sleep through it, his body apparently not wanting to emerge from the warm cocoon of blankets just yet. When he finally _did_ roll out of bed, he was shocked to see that it was already 7:25, making him about ten minutes late for his first period class, which started at exactly 7:15.   
His parents, already having left for work, must have thought he&squalord left as well, since his mother hadn’t come to yell at him about oversleeping. Soobin groans, knowing his history teacher will not be pleased with his tardiness. Throwing on his clothes and speeding through his morning routine as quickly as possible, he makes it out of his house and into his history classroom by 7:45, trying his best to go unnoticed. 

  
“Choi Soobin.” He hears his teacher call from behind, pausing to slowly turn and face him. “Do you know what time it is?”  
Soobin doesn’t look, but he knows the entire class is looking at him, including Taehyun, whose seat is located in the back of the room. His face begins to flush with embarrassment at being called out. “Uh,” he glances at the clock in the corner of the room. “7:46, sir.” His teacher nods, not looking at all impressed.  
“And do you know what time my class starts?” he asks, crossing his arms.  
“7:15.” Soobin answers.

  
“Right, then be here on time next time, or I’ll have to assign you a detention.”

  
Soobin nods again, bowing his head in apology. “Okay, I’m sorry sir, it won’t happen again.”  
His teacher goes back to explaining the information on the board, and Soobin hurries to his seat, avoiding the eyes of all his classmates, except for Taehyun, who’s seat is right next to his. “Hey, what happened?” Taehyun whispers as he sinks into his seat. “I overslept.” He explains, taking his textbook out even though there’s only about ten minutes left to the period. “Ah, couldn’t get out of bed huh? That’s me every time practice runs later than normal.” He jokes. Normally Soobin would have laughed, but with the amount of emotional exhaustion he’s currently experiencing, he only offers his friend a tired smile in response.

  
He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, probably just a text from Kai or something. Glancing up to make sure the teacher still has his back turned, he pulls it out and checks the notification. His heart hammers loudly as he sees that it is not a text from his other friend, but an e-mail response. _From Blue_. With shaky fingers, Soobin opens the e-mail app and reads the message.

Soobin’s heart beats even faster as he reads it. Blue had answered him, and he only e-mailed him last night. He even wanted to be friends? He doesn’t realize he’s smiling at his phone screen until Taehyun questions him. “Why are you smiling like that?”

  
Closing the app quickly, Soobin shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Oh, uh, it’s just a meme Kai sent me.” He lies. Taehyun seems to buy it, and the bell rings, signaling the end of the class. “I really have to use the bathroom before I go to English.” He lies again.   
“Alright, I can come with you if you want since we’re both going that way anyway.” Taehyun offers, gathering his books into his bag. “No that’s okay,” Soobin insists. “I don’t want you to be late, you’ll miss practice if you wind up with a detention.”

  
“Yeah, you’re right. Coach would literally kill me.” Taehyun laughs, only half joking. “I’ll see you at lunch then?” Soobin nods. “Yeah, see you.”  
When they exit the classroom, he makes a beeline for the bathroom, locking himself in a stall before pulling his phone out and opening the e-mail back up. He types out a quick reply, taking a deep breath so he doesn’t drop his phone in the toilet or something.  


Somebody enters the bathroom, startling Soobin enough to make him close the app once more and head to his next class, almost bumping into the person who had entered. “Whoa, careful there Soobinie.” 

  
The sound of the familiar voice had him instantly floored, whipping back around with wide eyes to face him. “Yeonjun hyung?” he eyes the other carefully taking in the bright blue of his hair. He still wasn’t used to it, but he had been serious when he said he thought it looked good. “I’m so sorry,” he bows slightly, making the other’s brows shoot up in surprise. “I didn’t mean to bump into you like that.”

  
Yeonjun smiles at him, waving it off casually. “No need to be so formal, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

  
Were they friends? Soobin guesses he could consider them that, though they never really talk all that often, especially not alone together. “Okay.” He responds dumbly. Why did he always have to be so awkward around people that aren’t his best friends? Yeonjun just made it so easy to be flustered, always teasing and poking fun at him, calling him by cute nicknames like ‘Soobinie’. He knows the older is just playing with him, it’s just how he is. _Or is it?_

  
Soobin tries to think of any scenarios where he’d heard Yeonjun call any of his other friends by cute nicknames or teased them in a mildly flirtatious manner. To his dismay, he can’t think of even _one_. Could it be that Yeonjun only did that with him? Or was he just imagining things? The idea that the behavior was exclusive to him made Soobin’s pulse quicken with anxiety. _Could Yeonjun be Blue?_

  
“Soobin?” he hears the older call. Soobin realizes he’s just been standing there stuck in his thoughts, probably looking like a wierdo. “Oh, sorry hyung, I was just remembering something,” He lies. “I really should get going before I’m late again.” Yeonjun nods. “See you around, Soobinie.”

  
Soobin heads to class in a daze, thoughts clouded with thoughts of Yeonjun and Blue. He really needed to get his mind cleared if he planned on making it through the day in one piece.

\------------------------------------------

Laying in his room, Soobin stares up at his blank ceiling, making a mental checklist of everything he knows about both Blue and Yeonjun. They did have a lot of similarities, the very few things that he knows about Blue, Yeonjun coincidentally has in common. They’re both art students, Soobin figures Blue must be one, considering poetry is only part of the creative writing course. Yeonjun is an art student, that much he knows, but he is unsure of what type of art classes he is in. His hair is also blue, which is Blue’s pen name, and could be the source of inspiration behind it. But all of these could just be coincidences, and it leaves Soobin’s brain fuzzy with confusion.

  
He hears the chime of another notification on his phone, and he quickly fumbles to grab it from his nightstand, almost dropping it on the floor. Soobin’s stomach tickles again as he read the notification bubble. _New E-mail: blueeboy@gmail.com._ He opens it immediately, heart pounding with anticipation.

  


When did he realize it? Soobin doesn’t really even know the answer himself. He supposes it was that one time he kissed a classmate when he was a freshman? He thinks it over for a moment, before typing a response. 

Soobin recalls the incident with dread, internally cringing at his younger self. He remembers trying to lie, more to himself than the other boy, but it was no use in the end. Then when he met Beomgyu and Yeonjun when Taehyun joined the football team, he knew he couldn’t deny it any longer. He remembers thinking to himself that Yeonjun was pretty, then realized with horror that most guys don’t think about other men like that, at least not to the extent he did. Soobin always did his best to keep those thoughts to himself, that way, he could almost pretend they weren’t there. But it’s been harder lately, and maybe meeting Blue was what he needed, to get the weight of these thoughts safely off his chest. Maybe one day he’d be able to say it out loud, but for now, this would work.

  
\------------------------------------

  
Soobin is going to be fine. At least that’s what he tells himself, as he reluctantly follows behind Taehyun and Kai, as they ring the doorbell to Beomgyu’s _huge_ house. If he had thought his own house was decently sized, Beomgyu’s definitely changed his mind. This wasn’t how he’d prefer to spend his Friday night. Soobin would much rather be at home, playing video games or watching funny pet videos on his laptop, not hiding in the corner of a classmate’s house while music blared and drunk teens danced sloppily to the beat. But he’d already said he would go, and he’d look like an asshole if he didn’t show. He also didn’t want to leave poor Kai alone with the responsibility of keeping drunk Taehyun from doing stupid shit.

  
“Hey, you came!” Soobin hears, Beomgyu apparently having already answered the door. “I thought it would just wind up being Tae and Kai, you didn’t look too sure when I asked if you were coming.”

  
It takes him a minute to realize Beomgyu was talking to him. “I always keep my promises.” He answers. “And I _did_ say I would come, so here I am.”   
Beomgyu laughs, ushering the three inside. “Come on, make yourself at home!” he shouts over the music. “There’s food and beer in the kitchen, _and_ some Vodka if you’re interested.” he says with a wink. 

  
“Sweet.” Taehyun responds, already following Beomgyu in the direction of the kitchen. Kai rolls his eyes, opting to stay with Soobin in the foyer. “Why is he like this?”  
Soobin chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. “He just likes to have fun. Can’t blame him for that.” Kai laughs with him. “Yeah, but I wish his idea of fun was less alcohol induced.” He jokes. Soobin can’t help but agree.

  
“Hey guys!” shouts a familiar voice. “You came!” They turn to see fellow classmate Yuchan emerging from the direction of the living room. “Did Taehyun come too?”   
“Yuchan!” Kai shouts. “Taehyun is in the kitchen with Beomgyu, I didn’t know you were coming!” 

  
Yuchan is also a senior, but Soobin doesn’t know him as well as Kai, who has a lot of classes with him. He always thought Yuchan was pretty nice, but a little too energetic. Maybe that’s why him and Kai got along so well. 

  
“I didn’t know _you_ were coming.” He gives Kai a hug, squeezing him until he squeaks that he’s crushing his lungs. He doesn’t hug Soobin, just waves with a huge smile, which he is grateful for.   
“Did you guys just get here?” Yuchan inquires. “Or are you just hiding from all the loud music?” he gestures behind him where the loud thrum of bass seemed to be coming from.   
“We just got here.” Kai answers. “Did you come by yourself?”

  
Yuchan is about to answer when another guy Soobin doesn’t recognize rushes in from the living room. “Chan, I’m so sorry to interrupt but I really need your help with Kwannie,” the guy stresses. “He’s dancing on the coffee table and I can’t get him down, he’s so drunk I’m afraid he’ll fall.” Soobin can tell the man is actually pretty worried about the guy in question, brows pinched together as he pleads with Yuchan. 

  
“Aw shit Byeongkwan, what the hell.” He mutters. “Alright, I should go help Sehyoon before Kwan cracks his skull open. Don’t think Beomgyu would be happy to clean _that_ up.” He jokes.  
“I can come help if you want, I’m pretty tall.” Kai offers. “I could probably just lift him off.”

  
Yuchan beams at him, and the other guy, Sehyoon, looks relieved. “Would you? Byeongkwan isn’t very heavy but he can sure throw a punch, it’ll probably take all three of us to get him down.” Yuchan laughs.

  
“Do you mind if I help them for a bit?” Kai asks, turning to Soobin. “You could come with us if you don’t wanna be alone.”

  
Soobin shakes his head. “I’ll be fine, someone should go check on Taehyun anyway.” Kai laughs, thanking him before running off with the other two. He doesn’t really know what to do with himself now that he’s alone. He did say he would check on Taehyun, so maybe he should start there? Soobin’s phone dings with another e-mail before he can bring himself to move toward the kitchen. Him and Blue had been talking a lot over the past few days, they’ve bonded over how much they actually have in common, and for once Soobin felt as if he wasn’t alone. There was another teen out there who _understood._

  
Yeah, he could have told his best friends about his secret, but though they may wind up supporting him, they just wouldn’t understand what he was going through, they couldn’t. Blue did, because he experienced it himself what it’s like to be _different_. Soobin had always felt wrong about himself, like he was broken, or defective. He just wanted to be normal, and not be attracted to other men. But Blue helped him realize that he’s not the only one who feels that way, and that being yourself _isn’t_ wrong. Smiling to himself, Soobin opens the e-mail.   


  
_Love, Blue._ Soobin’s heart skips a beat. This was the first time Blue had used the word _love_ when signing his e-mails. He can’t help but wonder what it means. Was he starting to like him as much as he liked Blue? It feels kind of dumb, forming a crush on a person he’s never even actually seen, but Soobin can’t help it. 

  
  
He doesn’t know if responding the same way was the right decision, but Blue _had_ started it. Soobin shrugs it off, beginning to finally make his way to the kitchen where he hoped Taehyun wasn’t already hammered. 

Slipping past a sea of dancing bodies isn’t nearly as easy as he’d originally thought, but he managed to make it into the large kitchen without too much damage. Scanning the room for his friend, he realizes with disappointment that Taehyun isn’t even there anymore, nor does he see Beomgyu either. The two must have gotten their drinks and gone to probably meet up with the other members of the football team. Did he really want to go find them in a huge house full of inebriated teenagers? Not really. But Soobin’s stupid conscience wouldn’t let him just abandon his friend, not when Kai was currently in the middle of his own drama and likely wouldn’t get around to checking on Tae for some time.

  
With a sigh, Soobin turns around and makes his way back to the front of the house to the stairway. Taehyun and Beomgyu were most likely either upstairs or out in the yard, and since Soobin didn’t feel like finding his way to the back door when he was already at the staircase, he opted for checking the upper level first. There was thankfully nobody on the stairs, sure Soobin had long legs, but he didn’t feel like using them to step over people who decided the stairs were a great choice of seating. 

  
The upper floor of Beomgyu’s house was just as big, but there weren’t nearly as many people, which was a relief. The music wasn’t as loud up here, he noted, as he looked at all the doors down the hall, trying to decide where to check first. Deciding to just go in order, he opens the first door to his left, peaking in to see if anyone’s inside. To his surprise and mild disappointment, it’s empty. He moves on to the next, repeating the same process. No Taehyun or Beomgyu, just a group of friends who look like they’re getting high if the amount of fog in the room is anything to go by. 

  
By the time he reaches the fifth door down, Soobin is starting to think he’d never find his friend in the massive house. If he doesn’t find them upstairs, he’ll just have to go find Kai and ask for his help. Two sets of eyes are better than one after all. He opens the last door with a lot less grace, getting a little bit impatient. What he sees definitely _isn’t_ Taehyun and Beomgyu, and definitely _not_ what he was expecting. 

  
His mouth drops open in surprise as he witnesses Yeonjun making out with some girl he’s never actually seen before. He just stands there dumbly, unable to move or pry his eyes away from them, not even as they notice him and immediately stop what they’re doing. _Move idiot_ , he tells himself as he quickly moves for the door before either of them says anything. “S-sorry!” he stammers quickly, rushing out and slamming the door behind him. His legs only manage to get him back down the stairs, where he leans against the railing, trying to catch his breath.

  
Had he been running? Soobin doesn’t even know, all he can think of is the image of Yeonjun’s lips locked with that girls. He should have known. Of course, someone as good looking and popular as Yeonjun would be straight. Why had he thought the older could be Blue? Because they had a lot in common? It was probably more of Soobin’s own wishful thinking; he’d wanted it to be Yeonjun so much that he deluded himself into thinking it was him. Well, Yeonjun singlehandedly proved _that_ theory wrong. To say he was disappointed would be an understatement. 

  
He needed to get his mind off of things for a while, Taehyun would be fine, he had Kai too. Without even thinking about what he was doing, Soobin finds himself back in the kitchen, both of his friends still nowhere in sight. He eyes the beer on the counter, wondering if the horrible taste was worth it. He really didn’t care for it, beer tasted like crap in his opinion. He’s about to just drink one anyway, hoping the buzz it would provide would clear his mind, when he sees the bottle sitting next to the many cans of beer. Soobin remembers what Beomgyu had said to them when he let them in earlier. _And some Vodka if you’re interested._

  
Was he _really_ about to drink Vodka? Soobin stares at the bottle, weighing his options. It was cotton candy flavor; he supposes it wouldn’t be that bad. He gives himself about another three second to think it over before he shrugs. _Fuck it_. He takes the bottle, filling a plastic cup half way, before filling the rest with soda. He wasn’t about to down a glass of straight Vodka, he’s not _that_ crazy. Soobin takes a deep breath before taking a large sip, wincing at the burning sensation it leaves in his throat. It’s not actually that bad once the burn dies down, and he finds himself lifting the cup to his lips a second time, taking an even larger amount this time.

  
By the time the cup is empty twenty minutes later, Soobin’s head is already dizzy, mind fuzzy like a giant wad of cotton candy was lodged in his skull. He knows he’s a lightweight, given that he doesn’t really drink all that much, but he pours himself a second glass despite his better judgement. Soobin knows he’ll likely regret this, but he can’t really bring himself to care at the moment. That’s a problem for future Soobin. Present Soobin just wants to forget. What was he trying to forget again? His brain hurts trying to remember, so he gives up. 

  
Tossing the once again empty cup in what he hopes was the garbage, Soobin stumbles his way back toward the main room. The music seems even louder somehow, his ears ringing obnoxiously. He had to find somewhere quiet, maybe he could lie down and take a nap or something. That’s what his foggy brain seemed to want anyway. Pushing his way past groups of dancing teens, he finds a door that he doesn’t remember seeing before. Maybe it had been there the whole time, or maybe his alcohol brain made it up, and it wasn’t really there. Soobin reaches out, experimentally running his hand across the wood. Yep, definitely there. 

  
He opens the door, slipping inside and sitting on the floor, propped up against something cold and metal. Soobin reaches his hand up, laying it flat against the surface. After feeling around a bit in the dim lighting, he discovers that it’s a washing machine. He must be in Beomgyu’s laundry room or something. He leans his head back against the metal surface, the cold sensation feeling nice against his warm skin. He hears the door open, but he doesn’t move, too comfy to see who invaded his quiet space. Soobin hears a shuffling noise, then the warmth of another body right next to his. “Soobinie?”

  
He opens his eyes at the call of his name, struggling to see the other clearly as his eyes adjust. “Hey, are you feeling okay?” he hears them ask. Soobin manages to nod, despite the dull ache in his head that was slowly creeping up on him. “Look at me.”

  
A hand comes up to guide his attention in the right direction. His eyes are still a little blurry, and the lighting doesn’t help, but he can make out the tint of blue in the other’s hair and soft pouty lips. Without thinking, Soobin reaches up to trace them with his thumb. Whoever the guy was, (he thinks it must be a guy), had the softest looking lips probably in the entire world. Not that he’d felt many lips in the first place. 

  
“Thanks Binnie.” He hears them say with an amused chuckle, and realizes he must have said that out loud. Oh well, it’s not like he was lying. Soobin doesn’t know when their face had gotten closer to his, or maybe he was the one who had moved closer, but his lips are dangerously close, and Soobin doesn’t stop himself from leaning forward just a bit more. Their lips brush softly at first, so much so that Soobin doesn’t even know if they touched at all. He presses forward a bit, their lips sliding against each other a little harder this time. The other hesitates, but doesn’t pull away from him, and before he knows it, they're full on making out.

  
The other’s lips part slightly, and Soobin takes the chance to dive in, slipping his ton

gue into their mouth. A hand slides up into his hair, and he nibbles on their bottom lip, catching it between his teeth. The other lets out a low groan, kissing him harder than before, almost as if he were afraid Soobin would leave if he stopped. He is vaguely aware of the door opening again from somewhere behind them, but Soobin doesn’t really pay it much attention, wrapped up in the feeling of the other boy pressed against him. He hears a quiet gasp, unable to tell if it had come from the uninvited guest or the guy he was kissing. His lips travel down the other’s jawline and to his neck, reveling in the sharp exhale that follows _he knows_ came from the guy in his arms.

  
The door shuts once more, and Soobin thinks the guest must have been turned off by the idea of watching two guys make out, not that he really cares. The other is lightly pushing at his chest, trying to put a small amount of distance between them as he successfully pulls Soobin from where he was latched onto his neck. His head rests against Soobin’s, breath heavy and slightly labored. “Soobinie,” he hears the other huff against his neck. “Let me help you.”

  
Soobin is unsure of what the other means, until he feels a hand slide down from his neck to his chest, hesitating before dropping lower, ghosting over his crotch. Had he been hard the entire time? Soobin was so caught up in kissing the other that he hadn’t even noticed, but now that he was aware of it, the throbbing ache was starting to become more and more prominent. The other doesn’t move, seemingly waiting for his permission to continue. Without hesitation, he nods, the action doing nothing to calm the dizziness in his head. The other still doesn’t move to continue, and Soobin almost whines at him.

  
“I need to hear you say it honey.” He hears him insist. Soobin tries to get a grip on himself enough to force the words out, his lips swollen and tongue feeling way too heavy. “Yes,” he rasps, his voice sounding foreign and not like himself at all. _“Please.”_

  
He knows he’s pretty much begging, but it seems to be enough for the other, who he can feel nod against him, before a hand is back at his crotch, pressing down lightly. Soobin is the one to groan this time, and if he wasn’t so intoxicated, he’d probably be embarrassed because the other had barely even _touched_ him and he’s already this affected. He’s about to just beg the other to get on with it, pride be damned, when the other hastily undoes the button on his jeans and yanks the zipper down, sliding his hand beneath the waistband of Soobin’s boxers. 

  
Soobin sighs in relief at the contact, the other palming at his throbbing erection. He bites his lip to keep from being too loud, almost forgetting that this is technically a public place, considering there’s at least a hundred of his schoolmates in the building. As if sensing his struggle, the other boy presses his lips against his once again, the kiss not as intense as before but still enough to make Soobin’s insides feel like jelly. When the other pulls away again, the hand that was previously stroking his now leaking member does too, and Soobin actually _does_ whine this time. He’s about to complain when he hears the other shift, watching the outline of his body move so his head is no longer by Soobin’s neck, but down in front of his crotch. He’s confused for a split second before he feels his pants being tugged down enough for his aching member to spring free from his boxers. _Oh._

  
“Can I?” he hears the boy ask, and Soobin nods a little too quickly and eagerly, too far gone to give a damn. The other doesn’t make him say it this time, probably just as needy and impatient as he is. The second he feels those soft pouty lips around him he swears he could come immediately; he wouldn’t even be embarrassed. The other’s lips close around the tip, sucking softly at first before tonguing the slit and Soobin _swears_ he sees stars behind his eyelids as he groans loudly. His mouth feels like heaven, and Soobin wonders briefly if it’s because of the alcohol, or maybe because this is technically the first time he’s ever had his dick sucked. Either way, he never wants it to stop.

  
By the time the other takes more of him in his mouth, bobbing his head almost in rhythm with the pounding music that could still be heard from the other room, Soobin is already about to come, heat pooling low in his stomach and muscles clenching in anticipation. _“Fuck.”_ He gasps. _“Fuck, I’m gonna-”_

  
Soobin doesn’t even get the words out before he’s coming into the other’s mouth, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut as he groans one last time. His breathing is heavy, and he’s about to apologize to the other when those soft lips are back on his own. He can mildly taste himself, which Soobin can’t tell if he likes or if it’s just his post orgasmic brain. Neither of them says anything for a while, and Soobin feels himself falling asleep, exhausted both from their recent activities and the Vodka in his system. “Soobinie, hey.”  
Soobin tries to open his eyes and look at the other, but they’re so heavy with sleep he can’t keep them open for long. He hears the other say something else, he thinks he hears the words ‘find’ and ‘friends’, but he can’t be too certain. He feels the other move as his eyes slip back shut.

  
He doesn’t know how long he’s slept for when the door opens again, and there’s more than one voice this time. Soobin actually manages to open his eyes this time, enough to register that Kai is in front of him, trying to hold a bottle of water to his lips. “Come on dude, drink this,” he insists. “You need to sober up at least a little, I may be tall but even _I_ can’t get both you and Taehyun in the car at the same time.”

  
He hears the other person Kai came with talking lowly from the doorway, but he can’t make out what he’s saying or who he is. “Okay thanks hyung, I’ll get Taehyun in the backseat then I’ll come back.”

  
Kai leaves with the instruction for Soobin to keep drinking the water, which he does. He squints at the doorway, trying to see who is watching him until Kai returns, but the light is too bright and stings his eyes, so he gives up. Kai returns a few minutes later, thanking them before helping Soobin to his feet. He’s still a little dizzy, but he can actually keep his eyes open now. 

  
They shuffle through groups of still partying teens and out the front door, Soobin climbing into the passenger’s seat. He notices a sleeping Taehyun in the backseat, chuckling to himself as Kai slips into the driver’s side. At least he hadn’t gotten _that_ drunk. Taehyun always overdid it. Kai sighs exasperatedly as he starts the car and heads off toward Taehyun’s house. Soobin drinks the now almost empty bottle of water in silence, watching as the streetlights dance off of the window in order to keep himself focused. He’s starting to sober up a little, and the ache in his head is slowly intensifying. _Great._

  
Taehyun’s house is only about a twenty-minute drive from Beomgyu’s so it isn’t long before they’re pulling into his driveway, Taehyun’s brother already there waiting to drag him into the house before their parents returned to find him passed out on the floor of the foyer. His brother thanks them, hauling a still sleeping Taehyun over his shoulder and down the driveway to their front door. Kai laughs quietly as he watches the older man struggle, Taehyun not the lightest due to all the working out he did. Soobin chuckles along with him, waving to them before they disappear into the house.

  
Soobin turns to his other friend. “Did you have fun?” he asks, unsurprised when he hears Kai laugh.

“As much fun as one can have babysitting you idiots.” He jokes. “I thought _I_ was the baby.”

  
He had a point. Kai was the youngest of the three, and yet him and Taehyun were the ones acting like children. Soobin makes a mental note to make it up to him the next chance he got. Kai doesn’t say anything else, and the two of them sit in comfortable silence for a bit, until Soobin breaks it. “Do you think life will ever stop being so shitty?”

  
Kai’s brows pinch together in thought, or maybe confusion, Soobin can’t tell. “I think so,” he offers after a moment. “Being a teenager does suck.” He agrees. “But it’s not forever. I like to think it gets better with age, you know? Sort of like wine or cheese.”

  
Soobin snorts. “Why does everything have to be about food with you?”

  
Kai giggles, shrugging his shoulders. “Food makes me happy,” he explains. “But I really do think it gets better. You know what they say, it can’t rain all the time.”

  
Soobin’s heart nearly leaps into his throat. Isn’t that what Blue had said to him once? His brain is still a little cloudy, so he can’t recall exactly, but it sounded so familiar. There’s no way, was there? Was there a chance Kai could be Blue? As unlikely as it sounded, Soobin couldn’t shake the thought from him mind, and as Kai starts the car back up and pulls off toward his house, he tells himself he’ll have to look into it tomorrow, just to be sure.


End file.
